


All That Remains

by inkstone



Series: The Scars We Bear [4]
Category: Gangsta. (Manga)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Developing Relationship, Drama, F/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 22:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6168697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkstone/pseuds/inkstone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When things fall apart, sometimes the only thing left to do is hold on to what—and who—you can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That Remains

**Author's Note:**

> Set roughly around Chapters 41-42 of the manga, so spoilers abound if you only watched the anime or read the collected volumes. This is just a little something to tide us fans over during the manga's hiatus. I'm sure whatever Kohske eventually comes up for us will be _much_ better.

"Nina," Alex says. "Come back inside."

Nina's been hovering in the doorway to the clinic for the better part of an hour now. It can't be good, this fixation. It's not that Alex blames her. She doesn't. She wants to know where Worick is, too. Where he went with that terrible expression on his face. With that hardness she's only caught a glimpse of once or twice before and usually pretends doesn't exist. 

She shivers at the memory even now. Not once has she ever feared Worick. Even when he gropes her, Alex never actually feels any threat. Just irritation at his presumption. But in that moment when she tried to stop him, a wave of unease paralyzed her. In that instant, she froze, her hand not daring to touch him. Not even Miles pushing past her could dispel that split second of instinct telling her _stop_.

Alex shakes off the bad mental image. She needs to focus on the present, on Nina who still hasn't left the doorway. "What are you looking for?" she asks even though she already knows the answer. That it's not a _what_ but rather a _who_.

Nina looks back, eyes wide. "I can't hear Worick. I'm listening really hard, but I can't hear him."

Alex opens her mouth. Closes it. She's not sure what Nina means. Worick left hours ago. He's sure to be well beyond hearing distance. "Come back inside," she tries again. With everything going on, she wants Nina inside and the clinic closed. Theo left with Diego a little while ago to check on a few things elsewhere. Alex wants to avoid any bad surprises while they're gone.

Especially since Nicolas is…

In spite of Nina's protests, Alex guides her away from the clinic's entrance. "But—" She hushes the girl while she peers up and down the street—finding nothing—before shutting and locking the door. Nina fumes. "What if someone comes?"

"No one's going to come to the clinic today," Alex replies. There's no one left. Everyone who would is either already here or left on their own two feet.

(Or in a body bag.)

Nina's shoulders slump, unable to deny the truth in Alex's words. It hurts to see the girl so defeated. She's too young for this.

But girls grow up fast in Ergastulum, don't they?

Nina rubs her eyes. Alex notices then how red they are. When was the last time she got any sleep? She's about to suggest the girl take a nap when Nina interrupts her. "Let's look at your hand."

Her hand? Alex glances down, her gaze catching on the ugly bruises marring her skin. Ah. She shakes her head. "It's okay. My hand's fine."

"Fine?" Nina presses her lips together. "Nico has a strong grip. It has to hurt."

Her hand does throb, and her fingers feel swollen. But it's not a bad pain. Not one she can't tolerate. It's far better than the wounds Nicolas bears.

Alex hides her hand behind her back. Out of sight, out of mind. "There's nothing you can do about it now. They're only bruises anyway. Nothing's broken, and I can use my hand just fine. It'll heal on its own." Maybe they can ice it, but all that'll do is numb the pain.

Alex is done with numbing the pain. Done with not feeling. No more. Enough.

Nina puffs her cheeks out. Alex can't help the swell of relief that coasts over her. It's good to see the girl come back to life. Nina's low energy all morning had been worrisome. "All right," she says. "Then I'll make some coffee."

Alex smiles. "I could use a cup."

Narrow-eyed, Nina nods at her. Alex knows she's not completely off the hook. She'll hear about this later, probably when she least expects it. But she'll deal with that then.

As Nina goes to make the coffee, Alex looks around the clinic. She wrinkles her nose. The temptation to open the windows is strong, but that would negate her efforts to close up the clinic in the first place. No point locking the door to keep people out if intruders can climb in through the window.

She sighs. She can't say anything to Nina. It'll send her on another cleaning frenzy. Too bad there's nothing _to_ clean. The tools have been disinfected. The sheets have been changed. What could be salvaged has been laundered and is drying on clotheslines on the roof. What couldn't has been thrown away.

But in the stuffy clinic, the underlying odor lingers in her nose. Pain and death leave behind scents that can't be erased. To Alex, they smell like sorrow and regret: of things left undone, of words left unsaid. The choices people fail to make and the deeds people fail to stop.

Alex doesn't look at the only occupied bed on this floor. The one with the curtain drawn for privacy. Something bad went down last night. Something that no one's talking about. Why is one of Daniel Monroe's men in that condition?

And why is the other hiding out on the roof with a young Twilight girl?

She shakes her head. Only hours ago, she'd looked up to find Nicolas bringing Nina into Bastard to watch her sing. Only hours ago, she'd looked up to see Nicolas standing in the audience, leaning against a speaker. Can he listen to her that way? Through vibration and sensation? Alex doesn't know. She hopes so.

She hopes he liked it.

Alex bites her lip and squeezes her eyes shut, struggling not think of the catatonic man in the hospital bed upstairs. Fights not to think of the ugly wounds tearing apart his body. Is this what it means to be a Twilight? Seizures and mindless pain? The world is so cruel sometimes.

Unable to help herself, Alex pads up the stairs. She pulls the long sleeves of her dress over her hands so that only the fingertips are visible. With each step, the nerves rise up and with each step, she takes a breath to drive them back. It's okay. It'll be okay.

It will.

When she reaches the second floor, she finds Nicolas exactly where she and Nina had left him: curled up on the bed nearest the open window. At least the air isn't lifeless up here.

No, that trait is reserved for the man huddled under the thin bedsheet.

Alex hovers at the top of the stairs, waiting. For what, she's not sure. A reaction, maybe. Any type of reaction. The fact that he doesn't even stir worries her. Nicolas Brown has never needed hearing to tell if someone is approaching him. Especially if that someone is her. 

She walks toward the bed cautiously. She can't tell if he's sleeping, and there's no way to know if he'll wake up and react…badly like last night. But he'd calmed down, hadn't he? Alex hadn't imagined it. Clarity had returned to those pain-filled eyes and his crushing grip had loosened, becoming gentle on her hands.

He doesn't stir an inch in the time it takes her to reach his bedside. The intense disappointment she feels takes her by surprise. He can't stay in this stupor. It's not good for him. Nina needs him.

Alex needs him.

In her periphery, she spies his ruined weapon. Alex knows nothing about swords. Doesn't know if it can be repaired. Doesn't even know if the pieces of the lost blade are recoverable. Aren't katanas hard to make? Alex is sure she's heard something about the way they're forged. Who can do that in Ergastulum?

More accurately, who'll do it for a Twilight?

The Paulklee Guild seems like a logical choice, but Alex is positive they're occupied by other things right now. Will they spare time for a Twilight whose contract holder left?

No. She can't think like that. She _can't_. Worick will come back. He has to. He wouldn't abandon them.

Alex eases herself on the bed. The old mattress sags beneath her weight, but she does her best not to disturb Nicolas anyway.

She fails.

The bedsheet stirs, slipping down to reveal a black-clad shoulder as Nicolas lifts his head to look back over his shoulder. When he sees her, he snakes a hand out and extends it in her direction.

Unsure of what he wants, Alex can only stare.

His hand doesn't move. His eyes—they narrow slightly before flicking toward her lap. Where her bruised hand lay.

Biting her lip, Alex places her hand in his.

His fingers tease the sleeve back to reveal her skin. She keeps perfectly still as he studies the bruises marring her hands. After a moment, he shifts his hand, his fingers fitting over the marks. A shiver runs down her spine. The sight is ominous and yet the touch is anything but.

Nicolas shifts his grip again, his fingers tracing back and forth over the bruises. Alex catches her breath, eyes drifting shut. The rough calluses drag over her tender skin and make it hard to think.

The stairs creak with rapid footsteps and Alex takes the opportunity to turn away. She can't focus on Nicolas right now. Just the thought makes her flushed and hot. With perfect timing, Nina pops into view, a mug of steaming coffee in each hand. The girl's eyes immediately focus on their linked hands.

Feeling strangely guilty, Alex slips free of Nicolas's grasp. Like she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't have been.

Nina dimples. She bounces over to them and holds out a mug. "You can share with Nico," she announces, blue eyes wide and looking just a bit too innocent.

Alex hums skeptically, taking the mug from her. Nina's radiating innocence doesn't falter. Holding each other's gaze, they take sips of their respective coffees at the same time. It's pure, undoctored bitterness. Not a grain of sugar. Not a drop of cream. Normally, the lack of additives would bother Alex, but the taste is bracing. It's exactly what she needs.

She gulps down another mouthful of the hot liquid before twisting to hand it to Nicolas. There's an awkward pause, when he makes no move to take it from her. But Alex can wait. She's become very good at waiting while living with the Handymen. Just like he didn't move when he extended his hand toward her, she doesn't budge now.

After a moment, Nicolas squints at her and accepts the offering. Just as he'd taken care to fit his fingers over her bruises, he's careful not to touch her hands now. It's impressive since she'd intentionally spread her fingers over the mug, to make that contact unavoidable. His gaze sharpens a little bit—he knows what she's doing—but Alex holds it without flinching.

Then Nicolas sips the coffee—

—and Alex realizes that he may have avoided her fingers but he places his mouth directly over the spot where her lips had touched. The sharpness in his gaze changes, shifts to something else. A challenge, maybe.

Heat coils low in her belly, and Alex wants to laugh. They have such bad timing. Bad, _bad_ timing. They always did. Maybe they always will.

But she smiles anyway. She'll take his challenge over lifeless catatonia any day.

Nina makes a sound, and Alex becomes abruptly aware that she and Nicolas aren't alone. Her cheeks warm. It's not like she's done anything she needs to be embarrassed of, but she still doesn't quite know what to do with an audience. She's gotten used to having people watch her sing, but this…this is something else.

But when Alex turns, Nina isn't looking at her or Nicolas. She's looking in the direction of the stairs. After a moment, Alex picks up on what had caught the girl's attention.

Banging. Loud, obnoxious banging on the clinic's front door.

"See?" Nina says. "I told you we'd have patients."

Alex tenses. It could be patients. Desperate people needing urgent treatment could pound on the door like that. Fear can transform people into something unrecognizable and dangerous.

But the longer the banging on the door continues, and the longer Alex listens to it, and the longer Nina waits to make a move toward the stairs to answer it, the more certain she becomes that no patients wait on the other side of that door.

Minutes tick past and the banging doesn't ease up, not one bit. Whoever they are, they're persistent.

Nina swallows. "I'll go see what they want." Before Alex can stop her, she vanishes down the stairs.

Biting her lip, Alex whirls and snatches the mug from Nicolas's hand. She takes a long, deep gulp before pushing it back into his hands. "I'll be back," she tells him breathlessly and turns to follow Nina.

He grabs her arm and yanks her back. It's so unexpected that she has no defense against it. She falls across the bed, sprawling over his torso. A miscalculation on his part because the impact jostles his injuries. A pained groan escapes him and Alex scrambles off him, panicked.

His face is a study in failing to hide pain. He tries so hard not to show it, but it fills every line, every curve, every angle. Alex exhales and smooths her fingers over his furrowed brow. Nicolas closes his eyes at the contact. Almost unwillingly but he does it all the same. He inhales. Exhales. Inhales again.

On the next exhale, he opens his eyes and Alex bites her bottom lip. He looks so tired. So she says the only thing she can. "Rest."

Nicolas shakes his head slightly.

"Rest," she repeats. "We'll be okay."

He wants to say something. Wants to stop her. But he's in no condition to do so. Alex pulls away, eluding his next grab for her easily because she was expecting it this time. If he were better, not wounded, not injured in ways she can't see, she knows she wouldn't have succeeded so easily.

But he's none of those things right now.

And that's why she has to go downstairs. There is no one else.

"I'll be back," she tells him before rushing after Nina.

She takes the stairs too fast. Her foot slips and she almost takes a tumble before she catches her balance on the wall. Already she can hear Nina talking to someone and judging by the tone, they aren't patients.

They're not patients at all.

Alex reaches the bottom of the stairs and sprints for the door. Nina has cracked it open only a little, so she can't get a good look at the men.

Their tone is anything but friendly, though. Oh, they're trying to be friendly. Trying really hard to mask their intent.

But Alex has lots of experience with men who pretend to be nice and are anything but. Their honey-coated words won't work on her.

"I'm sorry," Nina says firmly, proving that honey-coated lies don't work too well on her either. "The clinic is closed right now."

"Oh?" The tone makes Alex's skin crawl. "Is Doc Theo not here? Are you here by yourself, little girl? Kinda scary, isn't it?"

Alex stiffens. "Nina," she says sharply. "Shut the door."

Nina turns, and Alex curses herself for distracting the girl. The man outside the clinic throws his weight against the door. The impact throws Nina off her feet, and Alex dives for her. Without the impediment, the door swings inward to reveal the man…and his two friends.

"Oh?" The man arches a brow at the sight of her. "Look, there's another one. Don't think I've seen you here before." He smiles. It reminds Alex of a hungry dog. "Didn't realize the doc was in the market for a new nurse."

Nina scowls. "What do you want?" Her words sound brave, but Alex feels the tremor in her slight frame.

Alex looks at the friend to the man's right. She recognizes the look of him: eyes red like he can't sleep, darting back and forth like he can't focus on anything. His breath is uneven and erratic.

And he's shaking more than Nina.

Digging her nails into Nina's shoulders, she pulls the girl with her as she backs away from the men.

Unfortunately, they follow them further into the clinic. "We just wanted to see the doc. We need something." That hungry smile widens. "But maybe you can help us instead?"

"What do you need?" Nina asks.

"Get out," Alex says before either of them can continue.

Nina looks up at her, startled.

The man, on the other hand, loses his smile. In fact, every shred of forced friendliness he'd mustered vanishes. "You're easy on the eyes, but you could stand to be nicer, pretty lady."

"I don't need to be nice to robbers," Alex says.

Nina sucks in a breath.

"Listen," the man says. "We don't have to do it this way. All you need to do is give us what we need and we'll leave."

"Will you?" Alex says softly. "Will you really?" Maybe this man will. Maybe even the friend who's the addict.

But not the other one. Not the one to the left who's looking at Alex like she's a piece of meat. The speaking man may smile like a hungry dog, but _this_ one intends to take a bite.

Alex steels herself. No, she thinks. No more. "Nina," she says clearly. "Go upstairs."

Nina starts and twists around to stare up at her. "What? But—"

"Now."

The one she thinks of as the leader, the one who'd been doing all the talking, holds up his hands. "Now, now, there's no need for that. Didn't you hear me? We're not going to hurt you."

Alex smiles, lips tight and closed. "Our definitions of 'hurt' must be different."

Her words are enough to finally make the man stop trying. Good. Alex was getting tired of his act. He shakes his head almost regretfully, "If you want to play that way—"

Hand firmly on Nina's shoulder, Alex drags the girl behind her as she rushes for the patient bed where the Asian man sleeps deeply, unaware of everything happening around him. Probably for the best. He looks even worse than Nicolas. But there's a rolling table still tucked at his bedside. The operating tools are gone. As are the bandages and alcohol. Its entire surface is bare except for one thing.

Aware of Monroe's man in the bed, of Theo's nurse by her side, and of Worick's Twilight upstairs, Alex closes her hand around the handle and swings around, lifting the gun up and pointing it at the strangers in the clinic. "We're not playing in any way," she says, her voice and arm remarkably steady despite the adrenaline rushing through her body. "No games."

The man on the left, the one who'd remained silent up until now, steps forward. "And what are you going to do with that?"

Taking a deep breath, Alex pulls the gun toward herself. The two non-addicts smile—of course they do. They think she's giving up.

Not exactly.

She releases the safety and points it at them again. "What does it look like I'm going to do?"

Alarm begins to fill the leader's face. It's an expression she's seen before, although it's never been directed at her. It's the face someone makes when they realize the stray cat they picked up is feral.

Alex isn't sure, but she thinks she might like the fact that she put that expression on their faces. That they've realized she isn't some easy target to prey on.

She adjusts her grip on the gun. No more, she thinks. Enough.

The leader's friend, the one who isn't an addict, isn't quite as fast to catch on. "Easy now, pretty lady. Didn't you hear him? No one needs to get hurt."

Alex fires the gun. Startled into a shriek, Nina ducks and covers her ears. Alex can feel Nina's shocked gaze, like the girl can't believe she actually pulled the trigger. Part of _Alex_ can't believe she pulled the trigger.

The shot doesn't hit any of the men, though. It doesn't even come close.

It does, however, leave a bullet hole in the wall beside them.

Theo is going to kill her.

The shot is enough to make the leader and his addict friend back off. Men never seem to know what to do when the woman they're pushing turns out to have claws. Well, most men.

The third man steps toward her and Nina. Unfortunately.

Taking a steadying breath, Alex fires another round at his feet. Her aim's a little closer that time.

He jumps away. "You crazy bitch!" he shouts in disbelief. "You almost hit my foot!"

"Leave," Alex says one final time. "And I won't _almost_ hit anything else."

Before he can get another word out, the leader lays a hand on his shoulder. There's a silent exchange between them—one where the leader's glare eventually overpowers the other's hurt pride. A few more moments pass before Alex watches as the three men leave the clinic. Thank god.

The instant they're far enough away from the door, she hurries over to slam it shut. Part of her wants to block the door with a table or bed, but that's ridiculous. How will Theo get back in?

She's overreacting. The lock should be enough. It's always been enough before.

A sound from behind draws their attention. A moan. Nina gasps. "Yang!" She rushes to the injured man's bedside.

Alex closes her eyes and swallows. Good thing he hadn't stirred until now. Who knows what could have happened if those men had realized they had an injured patient nearby who'd make a convenient hostage? The adrenaline leaves her in a rush and now all she wants to do is collapse onto the floor.

She trudges back up the stairs. Nina can take care of Monroe's man. And Alex…Alex will face Theo when he gets back about the damage she did to his beloved clinic.

As she returns to Nicolas's side, his eyes drift to the gun. His hand lifts to move in a series of rapid signs.

Alex frowns, her brain moving too slowly to decipher the motions. "What?"

For once, he repeats the signs with no complaints. "Do you remember yet?"

"Remember what?" she echoes.

Nicolas drops his hand. After a moment, he shifts closer to the window, making room for her on the bed.

Alex wants to ask him what he meant. Ask him about what happened last night. Ask him where Worick went.

And most of all, ask him about how she and he first met because, more than ever, she's positive they'd encountered each other long before they'd ever shared stolen glances through an office window.

She asks none of those things, though. Instead, she places the gun next to Nicolas's broken sword and crawls onto the bed. She curls up next to him, threading her fingers through his short hair. Her nails drag lightly over his skin as she massages his scalp. Nicolas hums low in his throat and closes his eyes.

And after a moment, so does she.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment and cry with me about Alex, Nicolas, and the rest of the Gangsta crew.


End file.
